3. Better On My Own

Have you ever just stop and stood in the middle of a downpour, looked up to the sky and let raindrops creep on you? Just let all go for the moment. When you live for that moment, you get the feeling that life is balanced. After the rain the sky is clear, the earth is cleansed, nature reborn, and the air is fresh. Even when only madness and chaos remain, I find myself there, standing outside, in the pouring rain.

Ever since I was a little girl, people didn’t quite understand me, I always was a silent, skinny girl, immersed in my own world. I never really cared what others think, well, I still don’t, and when it comes to the conflict situation, I choose not to respond. It is usually when I see from the start, that we won’t be able to find a common ground. I simply accept other opinion, disagree and move on. And that is the reaction people do not like to confront. Some people do conflict loudly, whether due to their culture, habits or temperament. Well, that’s not me. I’d like to hear other opinions and discuss different subjects, but also I am craving to end the conversation when it turns into nonsense or drama, or I just find it uninteresting.

Since I see myself as a highly resilient person, I let people express themselves freely, spread their lies and untruth around if they want to, letting them live in their perfect bubble if that makes them any happier. The last thing I would ever be is judgmental. But, I could be so clinical it is almost brutal sometimes. I really value interesting, deep and meaningful interactions that serve some purpose and superficiality doesn’t usually cut it with me. Over time, I tried to develop a fairly direct relationships with people. Being direct and assertive also means being honest while remaining respectful of yourself and others. It is not as simple as it sounds, but could be implemented if you want to. Being direct often requires courage, the courage to admit you are vulnerable and at the same time not afraid to express this out loud.

I always say what I think, without really thinking it. I never try to hide if something or someone bothers me and if I have a problem I do not only disclose it to some random people, but also try and speak to that relevant person, face to face, despite the awareness that my words could hurt them. Given the situation I present facts obviously promptly clear and without hesitation. I openly show my emotions when I don’t like something evermore than if I do like it, and how I feel at that moment. Maybe that is the problem. We scare people away because we are too honest in a time.

Sometimes we scare people away because we know what we want and what we don’t want while they are lost trying to figure this out.

We scare them because we say out loud what they don’t want to hear, and they have gotten so used to fake people feeding them beautiful things. Maybe they want to believe they are so perfect, and they don’t want to find out whom they really are. Maybe we present things in a way so unfamiliar to them that they just don’t believe us or even understand it.

Maybe we scare them because deep inside they know we don’t need them. Because they know we will stand up for ourselves and we are strong enough to walk away.

The people we spend the most time with, influence the person we will become. So it is good from time to time to evaluate the people in your life. Ask yourself some questions like, are they growing mentally and spiritually (as I do)? Are they willing to do more than most people do (like I do)? Are they here to support me or to slow me down? Or, are they already accepted the average life and want to just go with the flow?

Well dear, only dead fish go with the flow. After evaluating your circle of people in your life, it is time for some elimination work. Eliminate or distance yourself from people who lack ambition, who do not have any goals or are not willing to learn, grow and take action on their dreams. Distance yourself from people who are lost but do not search for the right or a better direction. Make sure your circle of people and environment is a reflection of a person you want to grow into. And know that you might be surprised with who comes and goes.

Surround yourself with dream chasers, the ones who actually take action on their dreams and not just talk about, the ones who set goals and also achieve them, one by one, and most important, surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Who lift you up and shift your mindset to another level. With which you can share your passions. You will know it’s the right company because they will feel familiar. Being with them will feel easy, and you will leave their company feeling inspired and motivated.

They say you are an average of the five people you hang around. If you want success in your life, hang around successful people. Monkey see monkey do.

Situations come and go, emotions fade. Of course, all these people on my journey were not able to accept the facts of the truth, and so far I have met quite a few rotten potatoes which I let them go, or fortunately, they left on their own.

After each goodbye, I felt like after the rain. Cleaned. At some point in life we just get tired of unhealthy relationships and connections, whether it be things or people. Each new transition to the better creates apparent chaos for us at first. And all we can do is to find ourselves in it and outgrow. As we grow, certain things become intolerable to our liking, and that is absolutely ok.

Love always, your friend

Maru x

2. Never Settle Bird

As long as we crave for progress it all makes sense. The desire to explore takes us further. What would our life be like if we would just stagnated at some point and perform a routine monotonously? Nothing to die for, right?

Since I left my full-time job behind (with no plan), I am now on my way to create a plan. As I am not a planner, I am struggling with few things which before I didn’t even notice. The realization that once you leave your job to start a business, your lifestyle choices and the path will stray from what the majority chooses. And you should know – that’s ok.

So, currently my plan is to surround myself only with people who think differently, who are open to new opportunities and have high ambitions. I no longer listen to people criticize me and my decisions, cause those are the same people I would not take advice from. And I also realized that if your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough. So, start small and dream big. Take action and make it happen.

While some people have already settled with where they are in life and what they have achieved so far as well as they are willing to live with a certain mediocrity, we dreamers are constantly in search of something more. Something that will define us. Something that will complete us.

Anything that first sounds impossible and beyond our understanding and is then finally done, seems to be so easy now. Such as, when we were learning how to walk, speak, write and swim, ride a bike or car. And our parents back then were not like ‘oh you failed, you are not meant to walk, to speak or to write. You are not meant to swim, ride a bike or car, just give up’. No, they were like ‘yes, you can do it, you will do it’. They believed in us. They knew we are able to do all those things, and they knew we will get there sooner or later. Not only that, but they had faith. And they put that faith in us.

And later when we finished our school and found a job, we moved on our own and now we are like YOLO. The majority of people also slowly settle down at this point. They may marry or create a family. I think settling down is the scariest thing about growing up and it is important that at whatever point you settle in your life you are happy with what it is, where you are and you are present here and now.

They say you know you want or are ready to settle down when you no longer feel like you might be missing out on something better. When you feel like you’re fully prepared to put someone else ahead of yourself. Or when you are ready to listen and compromise on almost anything.

For me personally, that point means just a quick stop on the journey. Time to change planes. The destination remains unknown. I can’t get pass the fact that now, when I already have my suitcase so nicely packed and ready for any further exploration, that I would just put all my things back into the closet and close it? No thanks.

So many things are still out there, so many places remain unexplored. All this beauty of the world on the tips of my fingers. All these challenges waiting for us to encounter them, to overcome and move forward stronger and wiser. All this and more awaits us and perform an opportunity for our growth. Throughout every new path we walk, a temporary disappointment, apparent obstacles that may confuse us and therefore we make mistakes, all these will be present. But eventually none of this will matter because mistakes we did and the fact how we dealt with them is what define us as a person today. As we are.

I never really had the feeling that I want or need to settle down. I always felt somehow restless while staying in one boring place, one bad relationship or in one shitty job for too long. Furthermore, I’ve always kept thinking how we will never have as few responsibilities and so much free time as we do have now. And how someday eventually we will need to decide when to stop wandering and how to start living a mediocre life. Or not.

But what if I never want to really settle? What if I don’t want to compromise on almost anything? What if I don’t have a plan? And what if I just want to go with the flow?

Part of me knows it is good to have some kind of plan to secure the future, but the other part of me is at the same time running scared that a settled life with plans, just won’t be exciting enough. And the thing that scares me the most is that when I will get older and will look back on my life and I will see regret. Regret that I settled for something too fast. Settled for less than I should. Settled for someone to make someone else happy. And there are too many mediocre things in life and love shouldn’t be one of them.

Mediocre or not, love is not just flowers and kisses and hugs and cuddles and sometimes silly words. Love is also hard. It is raw. It is stupid. It is negotiation. It is compromising. It is sacrificing.

Love is not unique. It is not logical. Love is not rare. It is not special. And yet it is something we all crave for. To love and be loved. It’s the thing that brings meaning to our life.

I honestly think you first need to find and love yourself, before you start looking around to find or create someone else. That time is yet to come. I believe in fact that having your own family puts life on a whole new level and I look forward to this experience, when this time comes.

To not have a life plan could be unimaginable to some, but it’s not even comparable as to getting to an old age and realize you have wasted your life. With a plan. In a shitty job. In a shitty relationship. In a shitty place.

Sometimes happiness is a feeling. Sometimes it is a decision. The question you need to ask yourself today is: are you really happy or just really comfortable?

Love always, your friend

Maru x

1. I Quit My Job Without a Plan

Yep, that’s right, with straight moves, no announcements, I quit. I quit my job. I quit my job with no plan and it is not the first time I did that.

As you know by so far, I am not someone who would put security and predictability on the first place when making a decision, but, regardless of the fact that I didn’t really know what was coming next, I quit my job anyway. I chose a clean slate for me.

I didn’t even take time to check my financials, I didn’t even think about my future. All I had were my dreams. And I had these dreams today, not tomorrow, not in a month or in a year. I believed in them, when no one else did. So, I sent my last WhatsApp message to my boss, written there I am quitting. Just like that. Done.

Of course, it didn’t all go as smoothly as I had hoped. He was shocked and the very next day he was trying to convince me situation is not as bad as I see it. Well, truth is, it was not the situation I saw it bad, it was him, making it bad. In the end, it didn’t really matter. I made that decision way sooner than I resigned.

All I know that moment is that I did not quit because my boss was so annoying. I did not quit because my job was so boring. I did not quit because there was too much pressure to maintain or because our team was falling apart (again). No.

It was one afternoon when it hit me and in one moment I realized neither the job nor my boss can teach me no more. I quit because I knew I can’t serve the world by continuously playing small. I outgrow the situation and I outgrow my boss. And I just felt like I am cheating others by not stepping into my full potential so later I might inspire them to step into their zone of passion too. I needed to step into my own light, so I can show others how someday they – YOU can shine too.

Sure I can tell it was not all bad about our common journey. It was also fun and exciting, as well as enlightening experience. Furthermore, it was more than I’ve ever expected from a job. It truly was one of those things you just don’t want to let it go. And I am still super grateful to one and only human being, who saw real potential in me and although made me even more determined  person than I ever was. Who saw what I am capable of, allowed me to have enough freedom to do things my way and gave me a thousand and one opportunities to grow. Even when I did not want to. Whom I taught for what a word ‘no’ speak for and who taught me, what ‘everything is possible’ could really means.

Of course, as I am a person who don’t mind being challenged in all areas of my life, I did not get much support about my decision in my very loving circle either (expectedly). Daily, I was facing ‘oh why did you do that, you had such a good job’ or ‘why you did that, you had the financial security, you had everything you need to live a nice life’.

Exactly. I was living a nice life. Nice. Just nice. And they all told me I should stay right where I was. I should be happy with the life I had and in a no way should I risk everything for an unsure future. While their suggestions might really were coming from their caring heart, it was a no-risk situation and an average life I am not ready to settle for.

So, I’ve been told I am not smart enough to succeed on my own.

I’ve been told I don’t have an education nor knowledge to even try to succeed on my own.

I’ve been told I don’t have that type of personality to be able to succeed on my own.

I’ve been told I don’t have enough enthusiasm to even try on my own.

I’ve been told I am stupid to even try.

I’ve been told many things, from different people. But yet from all so narrow-minded.

Soon I realized I was the only one who actually need to feel good about my decision. I was the only one who knew what’s right for me. I was the only one who knew the time has come. And I also realized, I am the only one who truly believe in me.

In that job I was surrounded by people with a similar background, with similar wishes and similar expectations. We were all so comfortable within that world and unsure of what lays beyond. Doesn’t matter how much drama we faced every day, we still had that job. We still had that security. We still had that thing to do and a nice life to live.

And once I’ve made the decision to let all this go, I did not look back anymore.

I opened my eyes and I am looking straight forward.

I put my hands over my ears, and I am leaving all the opinions behind.

I opened my heart to the different ways of life.

I opened my mind and my whole world to new possibilities that are out there and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me.

All I really know is that there’s more to it than just a ‘nice life’ out there. And that, my dear, is all I need to know for now. And so do you.

Love always, your friend

Maru x

Maruable Writing

Bled, Slovenija